How do we as ministers safeguard against isolation and loneliness?
-Acknowledge that there are different needs. Those who are married may feel more need for alone time, whereas those who are single may feel the opposite.
-Use professional networks such as meeting with ministers of other denominations.
-Think of more organic social groups such as childhood friends, immediate family
-Connect with other pastors via WhatsApp or phone.
-Make an effort to connect with public groups, not necessarily to talk but just to take part.
-Use opportunities in your neighbourhood such as the parents of your children’s friends.
-Consider starting a prayer group.
-Network with other female pastors:
• Have a meal together
• Do a social activity
• Share issues
• Pray together
• Plan a holiday trip together. The first day for work talk, then the other days for relaxation only
How can we establish a healthy work/life rhythm?
-Reflect on how we can disconnect from work. Do we have hobbies?
-Remember that Jesus left work unfinished. He could have accomplished everything by a miracle but he didn’t.
-It’s important that we all take personal responsibility for setting aside time for rest.
-If Jesus told the disciples to go and rest, we should do so too.
-Learn to set limits, such as not working in the afternoon when the children are home from school.
-It’s important to organise our time, knowing when we do what. With a good plan we can have time for rest.
-It can feel very uncomfortable to set clear boundaries and say no to some people. We like to please people, but if we do that every time we will not last long. People get burnt out.
-The pastor should be someone to follow. Therefore she should show people how to take time to rest.
-Unfortunately the administration in some countries have very high expectations from their employees. But it’s good when the administration put a support system in place to encourage their employees to take a rest day, ensure that holidays are taken etc.
-Sometimes we have too many urgent things to do so we have to make peace with it.
-We tend to put pressure on ourselves to do everything and we don’t want to let anyone down. Sometimes we don’t want to talk about our personal life, but people can have more understanding if we open up.
-It’s important to be aware of our role. We don’t have to attend every activity.
-It can be helpful to find someone to help us with some of the work we do.
-Beware of the temptation to be a workaholic, always doing something. Sometimes it’s important to just BE.
-Remember that sometimes people give us deadlines for their comfort. We have the right to say that we cannot meet their deadline. If something impacts our health we have to say NO.
How can we confront and not collude?
7 Steps for leadership in addressing / confronting an issue in the church. Examples used in this discussion where mainly situations when you need to confront members who challenge your authority as a woman pastor due to their cultural beliefs or unconscious biases.
1. Pause and pray
2. Self-reflect: how is this situation affecting you emotionally, physically, mentally?
3. Know your calling and be confident that you have been called.
4. Find positive support from other colleagues or leadership / administration
5. Remain respectful and encourage your membership to remain respectful in any opportunities to confront the situation
6. Teach and educate the membership when addressing any issues that cause them to be uncomfortable due to their cultural and traditional church beliefs.
7. Sometimes some issues need to be left well alone and not confronted. Wisdom is encouraged in these situations.
How do we create a safe place for LGBTQi+ people in our churches?
• We as workers need to be educated about LGBTQ+ and then educate others about facts.
o Statistics have not changed in the past 100 years.
o Kinsey writes about a continuum of homosexuality.
• We should not be afraid to talk about this question. Our silence on this issue speaks louder than words.
• We could decide to use ”kind” language and use it purposefully from the pulpit. We want to make room for everyone at the table.
• When we study the Bible we need to realise that…
o … conflict comes from plain reading of the Bible.
o … we need to agree to disagree and let people have different opinions.
• As women we know what it feels to be marginalised… so we can be proactive on an official level
o Take a step in our local churches
o Write an official request
o Bring the issue up with our leaders
• There is a book called ”Guidance for families” that can be helpful to our members, family members of LGBTQi+ and LGTBQ1+ that are close to our churches
• Let people know about the Kinship organisation
• Remember that in some of our countries the church’s stance on this issue is breaking the law.
What framework can be put in place to enable female ministers to flourish within ministry without having to succumb to emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by the institution and membership?
-Need to be grounded academically, spiritually, emotionally.
-Mentoring needed to achieve this.
-Prevention through education (BA level) and seminary.
-Importance of a good supervisor. They need to be pro women in ministry! And need to be taught how to effectively nurture female ministers.
-Support groups among other women ministers.
-Need for a budget for women to be enabled in ministry in all conferences.
-Need for local male pastors to stand up for and support female pastors.
-Employment interviews need to be legal!
-Those voted into leadership of the church need to be pro women in ministry.
-Develop your network of female colleagues to lean on.
-Develop resources for women in ministry, such as books that can be shared among the women in TED.
How do you develop a God-inspired personal vision?
– Discussed first about our own visions
– We need to _let_ God inspire
• Not always what we want to do…
• But he knows when and what!
– Our ideas might not materialize, but God’s plan will work on the right time
– How you know if your vision is just your own or is actually inspired by God?
• You need to know who you are!
• Trust God when he opens doors
• Take the steps that He lays before you (not forced)
– God prompting? Our attention is brought to the same idea or issue through different situations and people
– We need to pray, God prepares us
– God inspired vision is bigger than you
– Having a burden or need around you, praying about it, God opens doors as he leads
– Share your vision with others, and they can work with you
– “Your vision” could become also “our vision”
– Read from the Bible Nehemia’s experience, what you can learn from it fro yourself
– But how to implement a vision, if there are no other people who share it with?
• Try different contexts for trying out
• Do not give up, if the vision is God-inspired, it will happen in the right time
• It would be good to talk about it with other people
– Check Andy Stanley’s book “Visioneering” (also short video in YouTube)
What steps can we take in order to defeat the temptation to please everyone?
-It would be good to ask yourself why you feel the need to please people.
• Insecurity?
• Not grounded enough in your faith?
• Need for recognition/appreciation?
-Steps:
1. Take time before you answer
2. Take time to pray about the matter
3. Consider carefully what God has called you to do
4. Delegate work to others
5. It’s ok to leave “a job” open/undone
6. Consider your need to please and start back at no.1
What principles can we follow in confronting male theological language?
-Education
• From external sources in leadership positions – specifically males to support.
• Being assertive – not being passive and letting things pass when something should be addressed.
• Specific discussions/workshops/retreats – based on educating people on the subject, to create awareness. Use of books and other forms of media.
-Introduce the topic/subject slowly but surely over time to allow the process to be received and not rejected straight away.
-Spirit led: ask the Holy Spirit when to speak and when to be silent.
-When we are speaking: speaking truth in gender inclusive narratives, so that both males and females are included.
-Speak in love.
If the church were to set up a mentoring program, what important features would you like to see included?
-Budget
-Definition: mentoring vs coaching
• Coaching – teaching, guidance, knowledge of the business
• Mentoring – support, connection, help, support system, relate, relationship, agreement, avoid burnout
-Spiritual support
-Agreement
-Safeguarding
-Trust
-Growth
-Confidence
-Challenge
-Encouragement
-Development
-Accountability
-Can you teach?
-Chemistry – intentionality
-Understanding – purpose
-Compassion – outcome
-People who volunteer to do the role
-Boundaries – time
-Availability – gender issues
-The relationship should have an end. No dependency
-Check out the mentor for suitability
How can we become a church that connects church/God in the minds and hearts of people with what is going on around them? Eg human trafficking, Brexit etc.
1. Be real – we need to be in their world, connect with them where they are.
2. We are the church – hands and feet of God, listen to people, be an example.
3. We are not always aware of what is around us if we are always only around church members.
4. They don’t understand our language and we don’t understand theirs.
5. Be aware of subjects which are in society eg climate change, plastics pollution. To much talking but church not involved.
6. Theory of love, theory of forgiveness etc.
7. Need for church plants because it’s very difficult to change existing members.
8. Do more outside church instead of in the church. We spend all our energy on those who have already decided.
9. Need for a buddy system.
How can we make Sabbath a day of rest while working as pastors and having families?
When do we feel at rest?
As a pastor we need to find another day for rest.
Sometimes it is good to do something totally different when we are not ‘working’ at church. Ex given: go to the forest.
Sabbath is a day of rest when you are on vacation.
What can you do?
As a family try to find a time during Sabbath where the family has Sabbath-time.
Create special meals, special clothes so that it is a different kind of work and take away other chores that we do not do on Sabbath.
Safeguard some times and schedule them in and stick to it.
Show the church what you do.
Sabbath should be a day when we behave / act differently.
We need to empower the members and then keep the boundaries.
Sabbath is about having a connection with God, also for ourselves as pastors.
Questions
Do we have to have church at 10.00 in the morning? We could change the time.
Is it because we DO program? We are not living as a family.
What is the definition of REST?
What can we do with the level of safety in our work environment?
Environment:
Church Building safety
Organisation – administrator
Homes of constituent members
Office – home, conference office
Travel – various modes of transportation: cars, airplanes etc
Social context/Cultural
Spiritual
Emotional
Safety:
Physical – church premises, shop, café, church. Church buildings – alarms, security camera
Social
Spiritual
Emotional – physical + spiritual abuse. Pastor sitting too physically close to a distressed member. Pastor sexual approach to another. Unwelcomed advances.
Prevention: Administration direct approach
Steps: think in advance, visit in twos, if using a pastor’s office arrange for another person to be present in the church for safety/accountability
Psychological abuse – bullies, find information to recognise what is happening to you
Since TED is offering financial subsidies to encourage women to study for pastoral ministry, what can be done to enhance future prospects for employment?
Please note: The answers and the conversation only covers the areas that had representatives in the conversation. This does not cover all the conferences/missions/Unions etc., and there may be a considerable variation from where you come from.
• It is a challenge that not all theological students are picked up (male & female)
• Partially depends on where you come from.
o Does the conference have open positions?
o If you are sponsored – do you expect to be employed?
• Some areas experience a pastoral drain because they go abroad to get a better standard of living.
• There may be financial constraints in the union.
• It is not a problem with the leadership/structure. The problem is more in the local churches, where they do not want female leaders. There the problem is just a few – but very loud – voices.
• Issue can be lack of placements. Smaller churches in remote areas are closing down, so no places for pastors to go.
• Issues with wider cultural practices. I.e.: In the orthodox culture it is unthinkable for a woman to do certain things (officiating at funerals, weddings etc.)
So what can we do to make it easier for women?
• Majority of women who graduate with BA Theology from Belgrade Seminary help their husbands and are not paid.
• In the past women would graduate and then work as office secretary – and did not get the same salary as the men.
• There is a history of unequal payment of men and women.
• Women are not given the same pay and allowances (ie car, study leave).
• Ask TED to review application of policies on salary (maybe some Unions are out of compliance with the policy on equal pay and need a warning??)
• Part of the problem is to explain to local churches, that women married to pastors, and who work as “pastors-wife” or Bible Worker should get paid and have equal allowances, when their husband is already on the pay-roll. The wives are expected to preach, and visit and do bible studies on their own, but without the car and the pay.
Summary of steps to take:
• Ask the Union why they think unequal pay is okay? What is their rationale for this practice?
• Ask TED to do a salary and allowance review.
• Men and women need to be treated equally in study leave, contracts and payments
• Ask the men (pastors) to help put a focus on the unfair praxes.
• Ask the men why they think it is okay for them to get more than the women.
1. Maslin Holness: How can we make pastoral pathways for females smoother and more accessible?
2. Kristztina Zarkana Teremy: How can we establish appropriate boundaries?
3. Adriana Fodor: How do you develop a God-inspired personal vision?
4. Gina Abbequaye: How can we help our members change their way of interpreting the Bible from a plain reading to a story?
1. Ana Dzuver: How can we make communion service more appealing? Should we have it more frequently than only 4 times per year? Must we always have footwashing?
2. Liane Edlund: How can we help church members and the unchurched see the usefulness of God’s word in their everyday ordinary lives as well as giving us the amazing gift of salvation?
3. Thora Jonsdottir: How can we repackage the story of Christmas to be more appealing to Christians and non-Christians alike?
4. Gry Beate Marley: How can we use high profile events as an opportunity to introduce Christ?