![\"David](\"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/David-and-Marci.jpg\")
<\/a>By the time we met, we were both in search of a grace awakening, which has had more impact on the way we relate to each other than we perhaps realised. That\u2019s how we went into marriage – with \u2018grace\u2019 on the radar, a partnership of equals from the outset, and including the direction of travel.<\/p>\n
Direction of travel? You must be kidding! Looking back, we didn\u2019t have the faintest idea as to how things would turn out. We had hopes and dreams, some of which have been realised, but with many far off the mark.<\/p>\n
And it\u2019s been the same for most of our friends from the 1980\u2019s youth group who married within a couple of years before or after us. They too entered marriage full of aspiration and hope about the future. After all, who enters marriage with \u2018keep a look out for trouble ahead\u2019 written into the confetti?<\/p>\n
Looking back, there was to be incredible trouble ahead for us all without exception – what a friend describes as \u2018unwelcome interruptions\u2019. Collectively we experienced life-threatening illness, life-changing illness, life-debilitating illness, of either a physical or emotional nature. And a significant number of children are either physically challenged, emotionally challenged \u2013 or both.<\/p>\n
In our own marriage there have been at times tremendous pressure points; work-life balance, parenting, managing debt, the \u2018unwelcome long-term interruption\u2019 and work-related \u2018pit in the stomach\u2019 experiences which stayed around for much longer than either of us would have liked.<\/p>\n
\u201cWelcome to my world\u201d, I hear you say. Isn\u2019t this real life? Yes, it is. So does marriage, and more to the point, does Christian marriage help?<\/p>\n
Expectation<\/strong><\/p>\n It does because of expectation. Did we go into marriage all starry eyed and with our heads in a cloud? I don\u2019t think we did even though we entered marriage with the expectation and intention, for it to be life-long, permanent, and exclusive. As we vowed to support each other whatever the circumstance, invited to journey with us was the Holy Spirit and all He offers.<\/p>\n For our marriage then, to be so-called ‘Spirit-filled’ there was no alternative but to learn ‘the unforced rythmn’s of grace’ as Eugene Peterson describes so well. This meant developing a skill set to include sharing, learning, listening, celebrating, forgiving, and caring for each other – physically, emotionally and spiritually. None of these skills were ready-steady-go on day one of our marriage, nor are they fully mature today. We also quickly realised the core value of learning to live self-less lives, putting the other first, rather than living the \u2018it\u2019s all about me\u2019 experience. Or to put it another way, self-denial over self-fulfilment.<\/p>\n And when it comes down to it, that\u2019s the real tough one. For all the familiar, beautiful and inspired words of Paul\u2019s 1 Corinthians 13 symphony of praise to love, living this value is a lifetime of work:<\/p>\n \u201cLove is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails\u2026 (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV).<\/p>\n Endurance<\/strong><\/p>\n Paul says \u201cLove\u2026 is not proud.\u201d He may state the obvious, but surely worth highlighting in the context of ensuring a happy and lasting marriage. Because the very opposite of pride is humility. How can a marriage survive without each spouse having a teachable spirit? Is this not where the example of the marriage relationship is like our relationship with God? (Ephesians 5)<\/p>\n Joy<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cHaving a soulmate\u201d, said Marci, \u201cis what brings me joy in our marriage, through enjoying shared experiences together. Add to that is the joy our children and grandchildren bring.”<\/p>\n Some see the idea of a ‘soulmate’ as the quest for the ‘only one’, Greek mythological perfect partner of destinty to experience total happiness with. Far from it \u2013 neither of us are perfect, and nor do we experience uniformity of thought. But the soulmate joy for us is about living in a high trust, emotionally safe and secure place where we can truly be ourselves, loved and accepted unconditionally.<\/p>\n The late preacher and author Tim Keller once said, \u201cThe reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the Gospel, which is painful and wonderful at once.\u201d Keller goes on to explain how he understands the Gospel.<\/p>\n \u201cWe are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared to believe. And at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ more than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will ever transform us.\u201d\u00b9<\/p>\n I read this to understand that marriage can only endure and be joy-filled with God\u2019s mercy and transforming grace. That\u2019s the theology – and would like to think our story in some way connects with His story.<\/p>\n \u00b9Timothy Keller and Kathy Keller (2013),\u00a0The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God<\/em>,\u00a0Penguin Books.<\/p>\n [Photos: featured image, by Sandro Crepulja Pexel. Neal wedding photo, Robert Wheeler]<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the Gospel.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":15493,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1192,1573,7,1588],"tags":[345,1221,1180,163,1510,145,75,76],"class_list":["post-15472","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commentary","category-family-relationships","category-news","category-united-kingdom-ireland","tag-church","tag-commentary","tag-endurance","tag-faith","tag-grace","tag-hope","tag-marriage","tag-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15472","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/37"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15472"}],"version-history":[{"count":30,"href":"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15472\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15519,"href":"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15472\/revisions\/15519"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15493"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15472"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15472"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ted.adventist.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15472"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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